Its beginning to sound a lot like Christmas

As it is Christmas time and I currently spend the vast majority of my time with a three year old I have had to listen to many of our childhood classic Christmas songs on repeat for hours on end. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer gets a lot of air time. I have not really though about the story of Rudolph since I was a child but honestly it is really messed up. If Santa came up to me and asked me to “Light [his] sleigh tonight” I would have answered fuck you. Think about. If all of the other reindeer use to laugh and call you names and never let you play in any reindeer games, while that fat bastard just stood by any watched don’t you think you would be a little bitter. Hell I would and if you say otherwise you are either lying or by some freak coincidence were never teased as a child (which probably implies that you were home schooled and for that I am sorry, mostly because we are still making fun of you now and you have no idea)

Now what about the twelve days of Christmas? Personally I love this song because it is so fun to sing but when you think about it, it is just idiotic. First off all why are there twelve days of Christmas. I know that there are twenty four days of advent and eight days of Chanukah, but as far as Christmas goes there is one day. Perhaps it is some religious thing that I missed out on being raised in an atheist family, but I am pretty sure that all the religious kids only got one day too. Moving on to my second point what is with those shitty gifts. Who in their right mind wants eight maids a milkin or ten lords a leapin. That’s just dumb.

What about Jingle Bells? Remember how much you loved this song as a child. Well try listening to it again. You will discover that this is the most annoying song ever written. How did we not notice this as children? It is the same frickin thing over and over again. Then some genius comes along and decides that having the chipmunks sing this lame excuse for a sing is a good idea. In reality IT IS THE WORST IDEA EVER. And for some mysterious reason children love this shit and insist on listening to it all day. Kids are stupid.